ebullition.blogspot

e-piph-a-ny n. A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization.

I just had an EPIPHANY! I suddenly realized that I mistook my feelings for more than they actually are. I have had one thing on my mind for the past three weeks, but it just hit me that I don't even care what happens anymore! Suddenly, nothing seems that important to me. I feel so relieved, I can finally think about other shit! :-D

Last night was pretty great, with the exception of people getting pissed off and leaving spontaneously! My dad picked up Charlie and Gianna and in that small amount of time we started some insiders.

My Dad: "I'm her father, I have the right to kill her."
Gianna: "Can I share that right?"
Me: "You guys are evil!"
Gianna: "Did you just say emu?"

@ around 9:30 everyone got together at Burger King and chilled there before we all walked over to Shelby Lanes.

[While we were waiting for people to meet us at BK]
*Kroger truck drives by*
Gianna: "I think they're here!"

Well, after everyone showed up we headed over to the bowling alley. Cosmic bowling is the greatest! 8-) lol. Ashley and Jenn brought along all their Eisenhower friends, which didn't make some people very happy. But, I bowled pretty good, so that's all that matters. I had some good names last night. I was "Flaming Dyke", "Sexy Bitch", and "Loud Orgasmer". lmao. Yeah, I think everyone heard and saw the effects of my fake orgasms. *My bowling ball flies in lane next to mine* lol. People were constantly walking back and forth from the parking lot, so I kinda chilled talkin' with the hot seniors. lol. Me and Ashley's friend Jeff were worried about her when she took off with her friend Jeremy. I heard he is a shitty driver, so that didn't help calm my worries. Her leaving kinda pissed me off, but oh well. The senior guys had their own lane, but weren't using it so I decided to bowl for three different names. My high score was a 142, and I was just goofing off, so that made me happy. The hot senior guy took my visor, so then I went and took the other hot senior guys hat. lol. When the Ike guys and Ashley and Jenn left, I chilled with Maria and Qiana and we had some bowling ball races. :-P That was pretty much the night. Charlie drove me home and then I watched Battle of the Sexes 'til 6 AM. lol. I need to do something tonight, it's the last night of Spring Break! :-( lata!

Now that I know how to count syllables, I decided to give this whole "sonnet" thing another try! Nothing special, but here's sonnet #2! O:) :-D

"Take it Back"
Like quicksand beneath, deeper I fall down
I find myself where I don’t want to be
I’ve done this all before, I know this ground
Dread and regret are the only things free
Wishing that I had taken my words back
Tighten the grip on my lips to prevent
Bitter words surface, but the truth I lack
I strive to remain focused and content
Take back all the lies I’ve flooded you with
I brought you into all my confusion
Just when you started to believe my myth
I confessed my doubt and all illusion
Don’t wait if you believe heartbreak is near
With me things aren’t always as they appear

I hope you understand that one. If you don't, just ask and I'll explain. :-\

Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
And you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

You don't see me at all.
A Perfect Circle - "3 Libra's"

I am nothing more than a little girl inside
That cries out for attention
Yet I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
Staind - "Epiphany"

I know I say it every night, but: Tonight was great! lol! Mallory had everyone over her house, and by everyone I mean like twenty people. I would name everyone except I would probably forget to name some people and that wouldn't be good. @ like 7 PM, Ashley rolled up in my driveway with Charles and then we went to pick up YEE! The four of us got to Mallory's at like 7:30 PM and Grant was way up high in the tree and everyone else was jumping on the trampoline. Grant was busting out some nice back flips making mine look pathetic. lol. Wally had his bag of "grass" and his plastic knife! Oh, and then we all took a nice long walk to 7-11, and everyone was screaming in *orgasmic tones*! lmao! I was going to go into 7-11 pretending to have Teret's Syndrome, but decided not to. lol. On the way home everyone had fun throwing around the 2-liters of pop, but amazingly none of them exploded! Mike knifed me :-( "Humiliation!" lmao! "Noob!" Mike, dude, we aren't playing CS right now! lol. Gianna said something to me and I laughed and then she was like "Wait, what did I say? I wasn't listening." lmao! WOW! Back at Mallory's we all went down into the basement and started off with Wally and Grant's "sermon" about grass. "Grass is good." lol. We tried to watch Office Space, but instead we just piled onto the couches and dissed everyone in the room. Like always, I had some good ones:

*Sitting on Charlie's lap*
Me: "I think I'm sitting on a peanut. Oh, wait. Charlie's just excited!"
*Charlie pushes me off his lap*
Charlie: "I could prove right now that it's not a peanut."
Gianna: "Please, keep your peanut in it's shell, dammit!"

LMFAO! Gianna: BERRRRNN! lol! Since we couldn't hear the movie, we decided to go back outside for "Hide and Seek", but ended up on the trampoline. Wally was behind me as I was running up the stairs. "Nice." 00 lol! Then I hopped on the swing and Grant pushed me way up high! It was awesome! Gianna got on the swing and almost knocked herself unconscience because she is smart like that. Oh, and then we made some *orgasmic* sounds on the shed!

Gianna: "OOO MMYYY GODDD! OHHHH!"

Back on the trampoline everyone was playing that game where you push the person in the center around. lol. Yeah, it didn't work quite well, but it was still good fun. Oh, it was just greatness when Nick streaked around in his boxers. *Cameron tackles Nick and takes his pants* and then *Mike throws Nick's pants in the tree* lmao. People started leaving during "Truth or Dare" and the people remaining were either on the trampoline or went down in the basement and started listening to Evanescence. 8-) When Ashley, Jenn, and Amanda were leaving I came up from the basement and said bye to them and the rest of people that were leaving. I think I hugged every single person as they were leaving tonight! lol! Mallory and me made some good cinnamon butter after Wally, Grant, and Gianna left. My brother Kyle picked Charlie and myself up around 11:40 PM and like always we had a great ride home. Charles and I were talking about the night and I was trying to remember the insiders so I could put them in my journal.

Me: "I seriously need to bring a pen and paper and write things down as they happen."
Kyle: "You should make a quote book. Whenever someone says something funny, you write that shit down."
Me: "Write that shit down! I always say that! We seriously have the same sense of humor."

Charles enjoys the car rides with my brother and the great music. He thinks Kyle is hilarious! lol. I got home and instantly got online and started working on my journal. Charles (my bestest friend) :-D called me at 1 AM (too late Charles, too late) an we talked on the phone for more than two hours talking about the night, serious shit, and analyzing/making quotes. Confucious is the greatest philospher that ever lived, right Charles?

"It is better to seize the opportunity that has the greater chance of reality, then to struggle for the opportunity that leads to anguish."
^ (that's Charles and mine's quote) ^
"Never underestimate the power of positive thinking."
"Superior minds busy themselves by analyzing the issue until the positive path is revealed."
"The path that is meant to be is illuminated by destiny's light."
"Finding yourself is the first step to acceptance; understanding yourself is the next."
"What appears right for one soul may not be right for another. That may mean having to stand alone doing something unnecessary in the eyes of those watching."
"Within a true friend you find yourself." (that's how I feel about Charles)
"It is easier to contemplate desolate thoughts then to bind them together and discover the picture we'd rather keep hidden. Better to be seen as blind and naive then to see the picture and be distraught."
^ (Charles and I build on each other's thoughts and create deep philosophical quotes) ^

Well, I'll add more later. Wow, this journal entry took me about three hours. Can you say "A.D.D."? I have trouble keeping my attention to one task, but for some reason I can contemplate over one issue for long periods of time! lol! Well, not going to bed yet, but g'nite! O:)

Tonight was a blast! I met up with all the Shelby people at Beamerz for a night of laser tag and watching people play DDR! :-D Charlie taught me something new on the ride there. The "Oh, shit!" handles! lmfao! Beamerz was packed and I saw a few Davis people like Eric Peck and Justin Howitt. Yeah, me and Justin got dirty while playing laser tag! ;) lol. "I am 16", Jenn, Eric Berry, and GRANT had a nice discussion about lesbians (I think it all started 'cause my code name was "Flaming Dyke"). That might have been the origin! :-P

I am 16: "Would you kiss another girl for $50?"
*Me and Jenn look at eachother*
Me: "Did someone say my name?" *walks away*

*Trying to think of peoples code names* Grant was "Fernando", Jenn was "Yee", Charlie was "O Viggo", and Mallory was "My ass"! "You shot MY ASS!" lol! Jenn and I had some fun confusing people (especially Grant) with our whole "Brady Bunch" scenario. lol! Kevin had this in his info:

Beamerz: $20
Pop: $1.50
Charlie having a glow in the dark dick drawn on his face the whole night: Priceless

LMFAO! Yeah, nice drawing there Jenn! Before the final game of laser tag everyone gathered around me and I told them my first tampon experience story. I think they all enjoyed it (especially the guys)! lmfao! My brother came at around 11:30 PM and played Laser Tag with his friend. After the last game he wanted to leave, so me, Charles, and Jenn said our goodbyes. The car ride home was good fun (me singing and putting my hand in Jenn's face). My brother got kinda lost though (very confused last night for some reason). :-\ lol! But, I thought it was a pretty great night, especially 'cause no one pissed me off! lol. :-D

Last night was definitely a night to remember! Absolute craziness. To start off the night, GRANT, Ashley, Jenn, Mallory, Charles, and I all went to the fair. But considering no one was there, we decided to go to the movies. Malibu's Most Wanted: if you want to yell at the movie screen and get frustrated from pure stupidity, then I suggest you see this movie.

"I tested positive...for G-A-M-E." lmao! That was the best part of the movie. lol. :-P

Charles and I tried to get into Phonebooth, but apparently the Showcase Cinema managers are anal about rated R movies and youngsters like ourselves sneaking in. Being that we're such creative and spontaneous individuals, we found ways to make our movie more entertaining. I'm sure the other five people in the theater appreciated the loud orgasms and rocking of the cool green chairs that we did! lmao. Good times.
After that we walked through the fair and saw "crazy hair lady" as we were waiting for our elephant ears to be made. lol. The elephant ear guy was weird lookin' too! lmao.
Then we figured that Target would be a more exciting place to spend our time and money. Jenn and Ashley were very nice and picked out a new bra for me, but unfortunately it was too big. Imagine that, a bra that is too big for me. Craziness. lol! Thanks guys! Oh, and then we started picking out Japanese gear so we could pimp out Jenn's future car! lmao! And Charles got in trouble because he was playing with those big balls (the bouncy ones, sicko). He also thought it would be funny to spray Mallory and Ashley with Axe Deodorant Body Spray all over their backs. :-\ Smart guy, lacks common sense, but a smart guy. ;) I bought some strawberry lip gloss and some Certs mints. (I almost bought the Shaq hat, but was convinced not to) :-D

Note to self: Certs + sour spray = gross taste in mouth.

And we all found out about Grant's unusual eating habits (live goldfish and whole grapes)! Crazy!
After Target we went over Mallory's house with a 12-pack of Mountain Dew and a bag of Munchos and watched Meet the Parents. I feel bad for that Gay Focker, don't you?
Mr. Yee (who loves me oh-so-much) picked us up around 11:30 PM and dropped off Ashley and myself over Ash's house for the night. Jenn couldn't sleepover. :-( But, we still managed to have fun without her! lol. After talking online to Charles and being on the phone with Jenn, me and Ashley watched Drumline (I thought it was pretty good). Then we went downstairs and chilled there 'til 7 in the morning! Craziness! I bet you're wondering, "What were they doing 'til 7 in the morning?" I'll tell you what I was doing: kicking Ashley's ass in a huge pillow fight that lasted for like an hour! She says she won, but...she didn't! :-P The pillow fight got me all sweaty, so we chilled and talked about the night. Oh, and then we had another pillow fight, but it only lasted for about five minutes. I liked that pillow fight the best. lmao! haha! I'm good (on the floor) lmao! :-*
Well, after all that craziness we finally decided it would be a good idea to get this thing called "sleep". That was a great, and very interesting night. I would say a LOT happened! Wouldn't you agree? Now I'm off to get ready for tonight, hopefully it will be just as exciting! :-D lata!

I'm not afraid of these feelings here inside
Earshot - "Not Afraid"

I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream? (and dream I do)
Evanescence - "Taking Over Me"

GRANT told me to write a sonnet, and I had NO IDEA how to do it! (we haven't studied Shakespearean literary styles, yet) but I gave it a shot! Most of the lines have 10 syllables, yay for me! :-D

The feelings I grasp when he is around
Nervous, in my stomach I get butterflies
Quiet on the inside, holding in sound
Hiding my feelings with a dark disguise
Pretending to be something I am not
Can you see past the act I display?
The real me is that of which I've forgot
Concealing in fear of what others will say
He tells me there's nothing to fear
Follow your heart and it will all unwind
Destiny illuminate's the truth that's near
Simplifying ways to speak your mind
Never knew love until he entered my life
Didn't realize it could cause such strife

Not too shabby, eh? Thanks Grant! abab cdcd efef gg! lol!

Every moment I think of you is every thought that shatters... :-\
Earshot - "Wake Up"

I'm sick of always hearing all the sad songs on the radio
All day it is there to remind an oversensitive girl that she's lost and alone
I hate a favorite restaurant, a favorite movie, our favorite show
We would stay up all through the night
We would laugh and get high and never answer the phone
I can't forgive, can't forget, can't give in
What went wrong? 'Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life
Blink 182 - "What Went Wrong"

Are you willing to risk and maybe lose everything over something that might never happen anyway? :-\

"The Only Words"
Forgetting the words I had in mind,
Just wanting to speak what is true.
You steal my thoughts and ideas,
All my feelings except, "I love you".
That's all I can use to express,
Merely how you make me feel.
Like a memory that's been forgotten,
I've lost clarity and nothing's real.
Nothing to represent my thoughts,
No way to explain my love's extent.
I try to write it out in a poem,
But words cannot show my intent.
Lost in a single train of thought,
Searching for some other way.
An expression holding more value,
But "I love you" is all I can think to say.

I've only got one thing on my mind (if you haven't noticed) :-D

Branches hanging above me,
Bright stars in the dark sky.
As we turn and face eachother,
I notice the glaze in your eye.
Neither of us says a word,
It's not necessary for us to speak.
You're lips are calling to me,
A kiss is that of what you seek.
Caught up in the moment,
The stars luminating from above.
I move slowly to prove to you,
That this time I truly am in love.

Charles wrote that originally and I just added my special poetic touch! :-D
"Starlit Kiss" by Charles Mienko and Julie Meray O:)

"Influence"
Mind straying off topic
Thoughts a binding mess
Hold onto sanity
Hear my cry of distress
I don’t know why I do it
Mess with my mind
I try to escape reality
By leaving it behind
It’s easier to dream
Then to face the real
It’s easier to feel nothing
Than to be how you feel
To be your own words
And hold nothing inside
To be completely yourself
With nothing to hide
Watch the train of thought
Vanish without a trace
Watch the memories come
Then fade slowly and erase
Everything is blurred
Vision and senses paralyzed
Trying to forget my emotions
The real truth is disguised
Ask me anything you desire
I won’t remember anyway
Tell me what you’re thinking
It’s what I need to hear you say
Wondering what’s in your mind
What are you confused about?
Are you unsure for yourself?
Or am I the one with doubt?
Look at this composition
Slowly falling apart
The effects of a substance
Playing with my heart
Incoherent and confused
Not knowing what to do
Trying to stay focused
But all I can think of is you

Tonight was great! Dinner and a movie with my Shelby friends! I didn't know some of their names but it's all good! @ around 5:20 PM Mike picked me up in his EUROVAN with Jenn, Ashley, Kevin, Lucy, and Walley. Jenn and I got on a nice tangent about the word "virgin"...

Me: I love daquiri's, I always order a VIRGIN strawberry daquiri! I love saying "virgin"!
Jenn: She just likes saying it because she can't anymore! =-o
Me: Jenn's just mad because she'll always be able to say it! BURRRNNNN!!!

We had some people checkin' us out in our cool EUROVAN! lol. Then we got to the movies and met up with Charles, Gianna, Amanda, Grant, and all the "squeaky" girls. We bought our tickets and then all walked over to Texas Road House. Oh, and I ate a LOT of that bread and butter, but more butter than bread! OoOOo! I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue :-* (yes, I'm that good)! lmao! Charles dropped a peanut down Ashley's shirt and then busted a nut! ;) lmao! After dinner we all walked to AMC 30 to see "Holes", which I didn't think was bad. It was okay :) except Mike left us so that he wouldn't get in trouble! lol! GRANT stole my shoe! :-P ;) :-D When the movie was over we lost YEE! It was scary, I thought I had lost her forever! lol! I got home and called Ashley and talked on the phone with her for a little before chillin' with my brother and his friends. Dude, there was some awesome prank calling going on! Good times. O:) Tomorrow (or today rather) is Easter Sunday (and *420* that's bad) lol! I gotta get to bed, so I'll end it with some lyrics that have some meaning. :-D

To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line, if I said I miss you?

G'nite! Happy Easter! :-D Sweet dreams...(of me) ;) :-P :-*